I know I said hello from Blogland last night as I doled out Liebster Blog Awards, but it's about time I wrote a good long handful of cavorting nonsense, isn't it, really? As I write this, I am full-stomached from a plate of scampi, chips & veg, and I am hiding the chocolate away, after having woofed down a mouthful whilst cooking dinner. Coupled with all this culinary hoo-ha, I have also been chuckling me hearty socks off at Wile E. Coyote & Roadrunner cartoons. Yes, rock and roll at Chez MacLeod is alive and well, and living off scraps.
It's an odd time, post-Christmas, isn't it? Some people find January hard, some carry on through as normal, while others soar as the year begins, on wings of optimism and goodwill. I am not one of those people who take on winter easily. There are swathes of time where it wins, and I am crushed beneath the weight of black mornings & endless dark evenings. This year, the Festive Season has gone, and I am unusually chipper. I have started 2012 with determination, grit, and good humour. I am somewhat surprised because throughout November and December, I did not feel like myself. This isn't unusual as such, because I often hit winter and almost put my entire personality to one side - I feel like a completely different person and indeed have been told, in no uncertain terms, that I am a "miserable sod" come the long winter nights.
But no. This year, I feel a seed change. I put this down, in part, to the SAD lamp I was bought for Christmas (one of those you just put on and point at, but ever-so-slightly away from, your face). I have brightened up (no pun intended) considerably since using it. Aside from that, I had some marvellous gigs in 2011 (also some marvellous long, late-night walks in unseasonal weather whilst getting lost/abandoned, post-gig), and I am eager to build on this experience. I have recorded some (nowhere near enough, but some) demoes that I am proud of, and I absolutely need to build on that this year. Hopefully, I have crossed over my winter slump and am back on the "moving forward" stage. This isn't to say I might not sink a little again, but I can hope (and that's half the struggle).
I have also started this year with a gig, at my usual haunt, The Rigger (it's de rigeur, I suppo- no, wait, come back), and I recorded it. This is good news, you might say, and indeed it is, because the quality of the recording is darned good, and it's nice to have a record of an evening spent playing songs at to people. The only thing I would say lets the recording down, I'd say, is the small handful of mistakes I scattered throughout the set. Which isn't to say that it was a bad gig - it really wasn't, because it was fun chatting to the audience, the songs were enjoyed, and I left the stage feeling buoyant. However, when making gig recordings, you want to completely nail the songs so that you have the rough imaginings of a recording that you would be happy for everyone to hear (I veered away from saying "product" here, as I would have felt pretty sick with myself). As it stands, there were about three songs that I am pleased enough with for me to want to broadcast them, and at some point I will. I plan to make a few more gig recordings, and then will unfurl my schemings, at which you can stand back in awe.
Now, this is a hard road. Anyone among you who is of a creative bent (whether it be music, art, writing, photography, acting, or blog-writing in itself) may feel a slight creep of unease at then going on social networking vehicles and proclaiming "I'VE DONE THIS! COME AND SEE!" I know I certainly do, because if you have been in touch with me, you know I'm a friendly sort who likes a natter, and it seems wrong to then post my doings into their face (I should probably have thought this sentence through before typing it, but no matter).
I am not one to blow my own trumpet. I have a dualistic personality at times, which is evidenced by my experiences with the seasons, I suppose, and my self-belief alternates between two states. It is either:
1: I know I can write songs, and I think they are good songs (mostly). I only ever feel truly comfortable when on a stage with a guitar and a microphone (and when joined by other musicians, it's a joy), and audiences like what I do. Music is something I need to do, just to keep expressing myself and let off steam. I'm a good singer-songwriter and I want people to hear my songs, and I want to be recognised for it, so goddamn it TELL PEOPLE.
or
2: Who am I kidding? I've left my 20s round behind some bins and I am just kidding myself that people would think I'm good enough at this to be heard.
I know deep down that State 2 is not really the truth of it, and it is just Depressive Me getting his voice heard during moments of weakness. I believe State 1 is more accurate, but the main reason why is because of what I am told. Plenty of people tell me that my songs are good, that my live performances are fun/entertaining to attend, that my recordings are ones they enjoy - because of this, and because I enjoy music too much, and because it flows through my veins when I'm not playing, to the extent that I listen to music in order to channel the enthusiasm until I next get to pick up a guitar, that I do post to Twitter & Facebook to tell you I've uploaded a YouTube video, or a song, or a blog (in the case of a bit later, this blog). I enjoy writing, and I love communicating, and all this is a means for me to express myself to the big wide world.
And if I'm honest, I like response. It warms my heart to know that someone likes what I do, and you folks have been wonderfully forthcoming whenever I've posted or uploaded anything, and you've given me cause to think that it's worth ploughing on and doing more, which is why 2012 is a year in which I hope to expand on what I feel I've achieved in the last 12 months. This will mean (all going to plan) more gigs, more variety of places, and I really hope this means I get to say hello to more of you in person.
I am starting this year in a happy place, and if you don't mind, this will mean me blowing my own trumpet from time to time and directing you to stuff what I done. And I promise not to rub my doings in your face. In the meantime, I shall go. There's some chocolate left & my dinner has gone down sufficiently enough for me to feel I can have a square. Or two.
Goodnight all, see you soon.
Love,
John.xx
* "Minions" was suggested to me on Facebook a while ago. Just testing the waters here...
* "Minions" was suggested to me on Facebook a while ago. Just testing the waters here...
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